1. i went to the health center this morning to talk to a doctor about my sleeping problems. the nurse recommended going to the counseling center and scheduled an appointment for me for tomorrow to talk to a doctor about getting a mild anti anxiety medication. i freaked out. i went to the counseling center, and they currently have a wait list. so unless it is an emergency i won't be able to talk to anyone for a little while.
of course i came home and sobbed my eyes out. i am feeling really uncomfortable about the thought of being medicated. i don't think i need it, but at the same time i've been getting only a few hours of sleep a night for a month and a half. it's not even just that, it's also the feeling like there's something wrong with me if i am taking some medication. i am having this internal back and forth struggle, and i am reaally upset about it. the part that frustrates me the most is that i've honestly never been happier. i don't understand where all these nightmares and sleepless nights are coming from because i am so stoked on life right now.
then of course i get a voicemail after class from the health center that they're worried about my high blood pressure and will i go back in later this week so they can check that out. aaah.
HOWEVER, as soon as i arrived home my mother comforted me, reminding me that i need to do what i can to try and be happy and healthy. and then max made me feel so much better :) he assured me i am not a crazy freak psycho, and that if it helps me sleep then i should do whatever i can. i am SO thankful for having an amazing support group, i honestly don't know what i would've done without my friends and family today.
2. by the time i was supposed to go to my first class i was a tragic disaster, so i emailed my prof saying i was having a bad day and i wouldn't be able to make it in to class. pretty soon after she responded asking if everything was okay, and was there anything she could do to help. it was so so nice to read! i am so lucky to go to such a great school where i have relationships with my professors. i was so complemented that this amazing woman took the time out of her day to make sure i'm alright.
3. 94% on my social work midterm ! :)
i am now drugged up on nyquil with the hope that i can get a descent nights sleep. just one night, that's all i ask!!
thanks to all my family and friends who tolerate me when i'm going insane, i have never felt so cared for :) LOVE
halee
You are more loved then you will ever know. You are a loving, brilliant young woman, and your heart will lead you if you let it. Take a breath and do what you must do to get through right now. What a wonderful stress to have, to be too busy, too much going on, too many classes at a great university in a great city. There are many who would love to be in your shoes. You are blessed, you just need to step outside of yourself and take a look. I love you, Mom :)
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